" Expecting what?" he asked nervously."You want to be a girl, don't you?" I asked.He looked down and then back at me, nodding once. We sat nervouslyfor a minute. "I see all you at work....and I get so jealous." Oh sweetie," I said suddenly. "Oh my God, it's okay!" I felt likeI was about to start crying."I know I need to....um....I have to go to Chrysalis. I've thoughtit through. But I'm still not sure about....you know beingbrainwashed and all that." Honey, I get it," I said, composing myself. "I really do.Um....look, I need to pee. I will um...be right back and then we cantalk about it all night if you want, okay?"I sashayed into the bathroom and made sure to sit on the toilet eventhough I didn't really have to go. I reached into my purse and puton my giant diamond ring. After the initial shudders and waves ofpleasure pulsed through me, I felt my connection to Monica begin tobuild. After few moments, it was as if I could hear her voice say"excellent....send him to me." . I really do. You know that. You’ve known that since last year.”“Yes.”“When I was with Melanie, we joked about her being my backup plan, so to speak. We both knew we couldn’t hurt Birgit, but if things fell apart with Birgit for any reason, then we thought the other person was an option. This was long before you and I even thought about being lovers.”She stopped me, “Don’t be so sure what I was thinking.”Oh, shit! I had missed it. All those things I passed off as teasing or joking. All the questions about relationships. All the talk about being available. I had missed it. Oh my God! My shoulders slumped in defeat. I was an idiot. I was clueless. I had no business being in any relationship with anyone. I just sat there, tears running down my face. I had no idea what to do or say.At least 10 minutes passed before either of us did anything but sob. I knew I had to say something.“I missed it, didn’t I? You were in love with me pretty much since we first met in chess club, weren’t.
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